When talking to my Dad, he would, on occasion, exhort me with a Chinese proverb. The one that rings in my ears these days is that of the man "who has a drawerful of knives, none of which is sharp". I am such a man in his estimation.

Ever since I was a grade school student, Dad would say to me that I was trying to learn too many things and I was interested in more than I can handle. At that time, I was the best student around in every academic subject -- and I was into everything from English to math to history. As the years went by, I gradually met people who were superior specialists in areas of interest to me. Nevertheless, at the risk of sounding rather full of myself (which I likely am), I have skills and a disposition that allow me to function quite well in the various roles I play.

My Dad and I would have a running discussion all these years about my lack of focus. Though I mostly agreed with his characterization of me as a dilettante, neither did I want to confine my interests into a specialty that did not really capture my passions.

In the last year, I have been on a simplifying/re-examine-my-life phase. I now keep coming back to how unfocused I have felt. I have spread myself out into many areas -- and I have been feeling deeply dissatisfied with the results. I have been a good and diligent member of various boards over the last 7 years -- but I feel that I haven't been a truly excellent board member. I have made small-scale contributions to promoting justice issues at my church -- but there is so much more that can be done. I have been a good friend to many, but an excellent one? I am a good programmer but have not put enough energy to becoming a brilliant one. And so on....

So what am I going to do? I am trying to figure that out now. Writing has certainly helped.

A little sidenote. Because I have no formal education in Chinese culture, it delights me now to find others' talking or writing about what I have experienced. So I jumped onto google this morning to look for the proverb about the dull knives and found the following quote from RMHI| Improving Chinese herbology education

It is difficult to become expert in many disciplines. No one can do everything and one risks becoming a dilettante if one does not choose a few subjects to study thoroughly. A Chinese proverb admonishes the person who "has many knives, but none of them are sharp."