Besides the magnificent oeuvre of Bach<\/a>, the work of art that has spoken most profoundly and insistently to me the last several years has been Anton Chekhov's Uncle Vanya<\/i>, as particularly manifested in Louis Malle's film Vanya on 42nd Street,<\/i> which in turn, was based David Mamet's adaptation. I've long wanted<\/a> to write in depth about Uncle Vanya but have yet to muster the focus and energy to do so.<\/p>\n But I feel that I'm entering a new phase in my life in which I'm letting go of some old things to embrace a new vision. Part of that transition, I feel, will be aided in looking at why Uncle Vanya has meant so much to me and why I now feel the desire to move on.<\/p>\n So now I want to play a bit. Ever have the experience of being understood by a film? Weird isn't it? That's how I've felt about Vanya on 42nd Street<\/i> since the second time I saw it. The first time, I fell asleep and except for the very last monologue, the film was too long. <\/p>\n The characters talk, kinda like in real life Time has slowed down Usually, they are moving too fast The pain that does not go away Love unrequited Normally we don't talk It's so nice(?) -- no, healing How we deceive ourselves The crisis in me Many have gone before me. I was a scholar too I want to be that beautiful man What is my drink? Academics don't change much If I can laugh at myself What do women want? Besides the magnificent oeuvre of Bach, the work of art that has spoken most profoundly and insistently to me the last several years has been Anton Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya, as particularly manifested in Louis Malle’s film Vanya on 42nd Street, … Continue reading
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\nI know that I cannot write a finished essay on Uncle Vanya and my life in one go. But I want to use this space to sketch some impressions, ideas, and thoughts on the way to writing that essay or essays. What follows below, then, is \"Take One\". (I don't know whether anything I write below will have much to do with Uncle Vanya per se....)<\/p>\n
\n
\nBut just a tad more thoughtful
\nNo a lot more thoughtful.<\/p>\n
\nLethargy has set in
\nAnd we see our people
\nSuspended<\/p>\n
\nToo many patients to heal
\nToo much hay to produce
\nToo many articles to write
\nBut when you stop
\nOh no, don't stop
\nYou begin to feel<\/p>\n
\nThe sense of lives wasted
\nWith no hope in sight -- ever
\nWell, maybe in heaven,
\nIf you can trust in such a thing<\/p>\n
\nBride lost
\nBig visions, big dreams
\nReduced
\nFrom the thousand year plan
\nTo drunken steps nowhere<\/p>\n
\nAbout Big Ideas
\nMortality, Ultimate Worth
\nThe Judgement of History
\nOf Future Generations<\/p>\n
\nFreeing, Gripping
\nTo hear real people
\nTalk
\nCry
\nSigh
\nLaugh
\nDespair
\nHope<\/p>\n
\nSeeing neither the bad
\nOr the good
\nOr just the plain human
\nIn ourselves?<\/p>\n
\nI have dubbed
\nThe pre-midlife midlife crisis
\nFound voice in Vanya.<\/p>\n
\nMany come after me.
\nI am gripped by
\nWhat?<\/p>\n
\nSo I thought
\nIt's hard to give up
\nDreams of being well-known<\/p>\n
\nTo be loved as such
\nBut I am found out
\nTo be no better
\nThan all who came before
\nAnd all who come after.<\/p>\n
\nMy unconfessed dream?<\/p>\n
\nIn 100 years, do they?
\nWe\/They still spew forth
\nLike a farm machine.
\nWe are a funny, funny bunch.<\/p>\n
\nThen indeed I will be free
\nOr freer than all that I have ever known.<\/p>\n
\nActually, what do men want?
\nI don't even know what I want.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"