Well, I'm back (sorta). Did you miss me? Those of you who follow my blog closely will have noticed that I wrote an entry on the 12th reflecting my sadness and then promptly stopped writing. A lot of things had been bubbling in me -- and all of a sudden, they came together to utterly drain me of my usual hope and optimism. Various flaws that I saw in myself became damning comdemnations. The loneliness that I often felt but would normally shake off transformed itself into a dreaded suspicion that I was indeed unworthy of love, let alone simple affection. Waking up on Saturday morning with a cold and a sore throat did not help the situation, though the physical discomfort in some way did take my mind off what ailed my heart.

I suspected that the dark fog would eventually lift and that while it was painful to experience such sorrow, I had much to learn from it. (I knew that trying to rationally account for all that I had to be thankful for as a way of slapping some sense into me -- and there is so much to be thankful for; I have little to complain about in the grand scheme of things -- wasn't going to work.) I deeply appreciated all of you who read my blog, wondered whether there was something wrong, and checked in with me, invited me to hang out, listened closely to me, and sympathized with me. I love you all. Part of me feels ashamed that I used my blog entry from Friday as an indirect cry for help and attention. I could have just said, "Help me! I need my friends to pamper me a bit." Will you forgive me? Teach me how to ask for help? Thank you for indulging me.

Some I'm back (sorta). I'm thrilled to have the energy and desire to write once more.